Skip to main content

Oh, Kaspersky

By accident I clicked on Eugene Kaspersky's Twitter account and I was greeted with this:

Eugene Kaspersky Joshua Wieder Twitter banner
Everything about this image is FABULOUS. First and foremost, it confirms my longstanding suspicion that any schmuck can make a few bucks in infosec, but to make bazillions you have to be an absolute drug-addled lunatic.

But let's get back to the picture. So many questions. Are they standing in front of a green-screen in which someone embossed click-art from Windows 95 or did they pose in front of a cheaply painted wall, like when prison convicts take "click-clicks" to send to their pen pals? Was I the only one who thought that maybe - just maybe - this was the album cover for an Autobahn reunion tour that I had somehow missed?

autobahn joshua wieder big lebowski album cover
These men are nihilists.
Someone very much needs leak the inter-departmental memo that Kaspersky sent to demand that his least photogenic employees all wear form-fitting pastels to work. It would have to be one hell of a memo to get someone to, for example, dye his faux-hawk to match the repulsive color scheme of this photo shoot, and then take it up a notch by wearing exactly the same clothes as Kaspersky while adopting the same pose as him during the photo session.

Why the guy in back isn't getting paid enough money to afford a decent razor so he can shave off the small dead animal that has attached itself to the bottom of his face. His eyes are much too close together for him to be in a Norwegian Death Metal band.

The young lady would have been depressingly normal if she had removed her bib. It doesn't matter how delicious the wings and/or lobster is there is really no excuse for such a thing in public.

The guy on the far left I will leave alone because he is obviously just a tech support guy.

That leaves the very young John Oliver look alike on the far right. The gentleman in the skin-tight, lavender turtleneck with matching pants that no doubt conceal a lacy set of Rocky Horror garters.

"I have equity,"
What can you say to the Programmer Formerly Known as Prince, other than, of course, "shine on you crazy diamond"? There is just something about showing off your nipples to your co-workers that screams self-confidence. Smart is sexy.

Everything about this image was pure comedy. Is this some sort of genius (failed) viral marketing ploy? Or it Eugene a few bots short of a net? Only time will tell.